Squam Lake
(a piece of flash fiction)
Kellen was dead, and that was a good thing. She felt safe, as safe as a young woman prancing around the middle of Reverse Vampire territory could. She thought she knew what was what (after all, she was a woman of the world, right?). Lucky for her, I’ve got her back.
Behold all who hear me; I am a modern-day Van Helsing. And, yes, I am talking about THAT Van Helsing.
Author’s Note: Not that I need to brag, but I am a direct descendent of the great Van Helsing. Yeah howdy, little old me, the man nearly everyone calls Hillbilly Jedediah, carries the DNA of the greatest monster hunter that ever lived. What does your DNA look like once it is untangled and exposed?
My tale won’t take long to tell. I am working on a memoir, but I need to live several hundred more years before any publisher worth their salt will give me a sit-down. So, here it is (such as it is).
It was a day like any other at Squam Lake, androids were dreaming of electric sheep, and the U.S. dollar was in a deadly tug of war with the Japanese Yen. All seemed to be right with the world. Of course, I didn’t sleep; how could I when all hell was breaking loose everywhere I looked. I can’t save everyone; that’s impossible; I have to pick and choose. This day, for reasons far beyond my capacity to understand, I decided to give her my attention. Usually, I would say that if someone is foolish enough to go to Reverse Vampire Central (during an RV convention, no less), they deserve whatever they get.
How did I find him out? It’s just one of those things, some real inexplicable nonsense. It was the kind of lapse that can be made 1000 times and never get you in trouble. Maybe it is just lousy RV karma. Maybe he “just ain’t living right,” as every evangelical will tell you is the reason for everything bad that happens to any poor son of a biscuit that happens to zig when they should have zagged. Yeah, it finally happened; I was able to expose him, to show him for what he truly is. I exposed him, I directed a bright light on his deepest colors.
It was a simple e-mail…short, nothing more than a few words. I intercepted it the way I usually do; a simple keylogger sent the message directly to me. “They are tricksy rabbits.” That is all he had to write. What happened next will make your toes curl.
After I received the message, it took me two seconds to call her. “Get the heck out of there, dagnabbit; he is the one I have been looking for. Evan is the Reverse Vampire! I am sure of it; run as fast as you can.”
She made it two steps before her left hamstring was ripped from her leg. I didn’t want to think about what I knew he would do with the fresh, human meat. One thing is sure, he didn’t like it at room temperature.
I could immediately sense it; I felt her pain. What else could I do? I gathered up my resolve, opened a portal, and headed east. You know, I didn’t have to save her; it wasn’t my job. Looking back, I guess I kind of felt sorry for her. Who knows, maybe I even liked her. I have since given it lots of thought, and I still don’t know why I risked my life that day.
The encantation complete, the portal opened up only a few feet from Evan.
“Put her down, Now!”
Evan looked back at me; he was half-crazed, licking the blood off the detached muscle. I could tell he was silently cursing in his feeble little mind, a half-sized brain with only enough room inside for murder and carnage.
So, I did it; I used The Device. It does take a heck of a toll on me but, like I said, I guess maybe I like her. As it stands, she is fine (I sent her back to a time just before the trip to Squam Lake), Evan is a fetus (best I could do), and I really need a beer. On second thought, my cousin, Naomi Crump makes the most vile moonshine I have ever experienced, and I could use a three or four-day bender.
