An Interview with Warren Andrew Slay, Part 5
Warren didn’t want to answer any more questions, but I did my best to tease some more answers out of him. He is too polite to leave me hanging when I ask a question that is even remotely intelligent. Here is Part 5 of our wide-ranging talk.
RTNM: I think if you wrote a memoir, it would be interesting and compelling. Are you sure you won’t do it? Write a memoir to get your story out to the world?
WAS: Good grief. My story pales when compared to that of someone like Tara Westover. Her memoir, Educated, is remarkable. She is a special lady. I would very much like to meet her one day.
RTNM: I hate to tell you this, but you are way too old for her. You recently turned 60. You are an old man. Yeah, I know you are in great shape and that you work out 2 hours a day, but you are old with a capital O.
WAS: Good grief. I said I wanted to meet her; I didn’t say that I wanted to strike a series of muscle man poses in front of her like some sort of jacked-up bower bird. I really admire her. That is all I am saying. So, to get back to your question. I will not write a memoir. First of all, I believe the greatest truths are told through fiction. That is how my story, such that it is, will be presented to the world.
RTNM: You and I both know that you are desperate to leave behind a record of “What it was like to be me.” Just write the memoir and be done with it.
WAS: One of your problems is that you don’t realize how easily you are replaced. You’re feeling yourself a little, I get it. Keep puffing yourself up; we will see how far that gets you. One problem with writing a memoir is that there has to be a conclusion, there has to be a payoff at the end, a resolution. My story has no such thing. It is too early… (he trailed off here and bowed his head) …I think there is a good possibility that the good stuff for me is yet to come.
RTNM: You can’t really believe that. From where I am standing, it is clear that you are just hoping that is true. Why? Because if it’s not…
WAS: What makes you think you have any insight into my life? That is outrageous. You are nothing more than a collection of middle names, one, I might add, with a finite life span. Tread carefully. Death can come at any moment.
RTNM: You would know, right? In the last 6 years, you nearly dropped dead twice. It is my understanding that you got very lucky both times.
WAS: Yes, I am fortunate. People drop dead every day from traveling blood clots. I am hopeful that my clots are under control and are in my past. The fact that I got a second and then a third chance makes me work harder. I do not want to waste any time I have left. There are several things I need to get done before I die. I am working on those things now. I will admit that it is getting harder to work long hours, but here I am, late at night, answering your inane questions.
RTNM: Yeah, everyone here is proud of you. Blah, blah, blah…your problem is that you think your life matters. That when you die, the world will be a lesser place because you have faded away. What nonsense!
WAS: You don’t know what you are talking about.
At this point, Warren got up and left. I called after him, but he ignored me. My people called his people in the hopes of scheduling another interview. He, not unexpectedly, declined. Surprisingly, he agreed to continue the interview by email. The following is the email exchange we had.
RTNM: I was out of line. I didn’t mean to insult you. I apologize.
WAS: My guess is that you have a list of ways you don’t want to die. I’ll bet that getting eaten alive by any animal is at the top of the list. Am I right?
RTNM: As a matter of fact, yes, you are correct.
WAS: Good luck to you. I have deep concerns about your future. You might want to get your affairs in order; no telling where a man like you might end up. An adventurer such as yourself might face an infinite range of dangers.
RTNM: Look, I was trying to get you to talk about the responsibilities you feel you have to humanity. Nothing more. I never meant to insult you.
WAS: Did you ever see Jaws? Remember that poor guy getting eaten alive at the end of the movie? Man, that was sick. I remember I saw that at the movie theater with Todd Gunter, a friend of mine from grade school. As I recall, we both jumped out of our seats. I certainly wouldn’t want to go like that.
RTNM: Look…I apologized…
WAS: The best we all can hope for is to die in our sleep. I wish you the best. I’ll be thinking of you. Thoughts & Prayers. Thoughts & Prayers.
RTNM: If I were you, I would be working on that novel of yours, the special one. Don’t worry about the other ones; get to work on the big one.
WAS: It is getting harder and harder to sustain deep concentration. This I know; I will never be a guy playing out the string. You, on the other hand, have your own set of problems.
RTNM: Well…
WAS: Listen, everyone has a responsibility to humanity. Everyone needs to contribute to society the best they can. There is no arbiter, other than yourself, as to the success or failure of your efforts. It doesn’t get easier as I age, but it does bring the problem into focus.
RTNM: Is there anything else you would like to add to this portion of the interview?
WAS: Yes, I have a few more thoughts specifically for you, the great and mighty figment of a declining imagination. Watch out for comma splices and never, under any circumstances, end a sentence with a preposition. Sleep well; it is the only respite you are going to get.
